Hiccup, Hermione, Hiccup
by BundleofSticks
Summary: Hermione is struck with an obnoxious case of hiccups.


A single hard swallow of toast and Hermione's day was ruined. The first hiccup was silent, catching her off guard. She immediately held her breath, the trick that her mother taught her. Ron looked up from his breakfast and saw his friend across the table go from her usual pale complexion to one of a red blowfish.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

Hermione let the air out. Normally, she would hold it for thirty seconds, but Ron's question couldn't go unanswered. Plus, she didn't want to draw attention to herself.

"Nothing. Never mind."

Ron went back to his food and began a conversation with Harry, who was sitting next to him. Hermione waited to see if her cure worked and after a good ten seconds without any hiccups, she sighed.

HUCK!

Ron, Harry, Ginny, Neville, and Seamus all looked over at Hermione. She blushed and reached for her pumpkin juice. Ten sips later and everyone's attention was back to their original places. Hermione kept her mouth closed for as long as she could, but her breakfast was calling to her. Certain the hiccups had left her, she opened her mouth for a bite of eggs.

HULK!

The whole table looked over at Hermione. She blushed and placed her hand on her chest. Ron smirked at his usually poised friend. Harry just looked concerned.

"You okay, Hermione?" he asked.

"Fine, thanks. HUCK!" Hermione didn't close her mouth in time.

"Hiccups?" Harry asked the obvious question.

"Yeah. Sorry."

Ginny wiped her mouth with her napkin.

"Hermione, I know a sure fire trick." She said.

Hermione hiccupped with her mouth closed, but it still wasn't stifled. She hated her hiccups. Unlike most girls her age, she didn't produce tiny little hics. Her hiccups were always loud and noticeable. Once she got them, she had the hardest time getting rid of them.

"I'll take care of it!" Seamus whipped out his wand with confidence.

Hermione closed her eyes to brace herself, but Harry stopped Seamus.

"Actually, Seamus, Hermione promised me she'd help me with some homework now. Come on, Hermione."

Harry pulled Hermione off the bench and led her over to the doors.

"Thanks, Harry. I would hate to see how Seamus could mess HULP up that charm." Hermione said as they walked up the stairs.

"No problem. Want me to try it?" Harry asked.

"No. Since these came on naturally, it's best to try a Muggle cure. But, thanks. HUCK!"

Hermione spent the rest of the breakfast hour trying various tricks. Harry helped for a bit, but actually did have homework to finish. In between failed remedies, Hermione helped him with his assignment, but her constant hiccups were quite the distraction. When their first class came around, her hiccups were as bad as ever.

Hermione and Harry sat in the back of History of Magic. Ron came in just on time and joined them.

"Hey, Hermione. Hiccups gone?" he asked.

Hermione tried to stifle a hiccup, but it came out sounding like Neville's toad. Ron chuckled at the answer to his question.

Class seemed much longer than normal. Hermione tried to keep her hiccups quiet, but she just couldn't. She kept making frog noises that got the attention of everyone except Professor Binns. He droned on as usual, completely unaware of the sounds of hiccups and giggles filling his classroom. The Slytherins found Hermione's problem to be particularly humorous. The Gryffindors all felt bad for their housemate, but couldn't always hold back the laughter.

Hermione stormed out of class as soon as she could. Ron and Harry had to run to catch up to her. She went straight for the girl's bathroom on the second floor and left the two boys waiting in the hallway.

"What do you think she's doing in there?" Ron asked.

"Dunno. Peeing?" Harry guessed.

"We're gonna be late for potions."

Hermione opened the door with a hiccup.

"Still got them?" Ron asked dumbly.

"Obviously-HILK!" Hermione pouted.

Harry choked back a giggle, but Ron couldn't.

"It's not funny, Ronald. HUCK! Stop laughing. They're getting worse and starting to HULK to hurt." Hermione rubbed her chest as another hiccup struck, echoing through the hall.

"Sorry, Hermione. They're just so loud." Ron apologized.

"I know. I hate it. HURP!" A hiccup/burp combo struck Hermione, turning her bright red. Ron knew better than to laugh at that one.

Potions class was worse than History of Magic. Snape made sure to allow the Slytherins to enjoy Hermione's situation. Each hiccup warranted five points from Gryffindor. Harry tried to stand up for his friend, but Snape deducted fifteen points for being challenged. Ron rubbed Hermione's back throughout class, trying to make her feel better. Harry ignored the assignment and attempted to create a hiccup cure instead. It looked almost right, but Hermione wouldn't take it.

"Since it wasn't a hex, a Muggle cure has to be used." She repeated.

Once class was over, Hermione had lost the Gryffindors 720 points. Tears stung her eyes during the long walk from the dungeons to the Great Hall. Her classmates were quite upset at the lack of points, but they didn't blame her fully. Most of them just ranted about Snape the whole way to lunch.

Ron inhaled his lunch and eyed Hermione's once he was finished.

"Aren't you going to eat, Hermione?" Harry asked.

"No. I'm not feeling really well." Her stomach jumped from another hiccup. She held it as if she wanted to throw up.

"You wanna go try some more cures?" Ron asked.

Hermione nodded weakly, hiccupping herself off the bench and feeling slightly better as Ron started rubbing her back again on the walk to the common room.

The two Gryffindors spent a good forty minutes going over cures. Six spoonfuls of sugar, three spoonfuls of peanut butter, fourteen glasses of water, and nine attempted scares later, Hermione still had the hiccups.

"It's no use." She whined after a third trip to the bathroom.

"Well, I'm sure there are other cures. We haven't tried breathing into a paper bag yet." Ron said

Hermione slumped on the couch in front of the fireplace. She looked at Ron with puppy eyes. His heart melted a little as he sat down next to her. Hermione rested her head on his shoulder and the two sat in silence (minus the hiccups) for a good five minutes before Harry came in.

"How's it going?" he asked.

Hermione hiccupped.

"Ugh," Harry responded. "Well, we're gonna be late for Herbology. Ready to go?"

Hermione hiccupped and moaned.

Ron patted her head as he stood up and the two boys looked down at her pathetic figure on the couch.

"You two go. I can't move. HULP!" Hermione groaned.

"You sure?" Harry asked.

"Yes," Hermione sighed. "Just tell ProfessHUCK Sprout that I'm not feeling well. HULK!"

Ron shrugged and Harry nodded. The two headed down to the greenhouse in silence. Harry finally cleared his throat before they got to the door.

"Ron? You ever hear of the kissing trick?"

"Harry, I like you as a friend, mate."

"No," Harry laughed. "I heard that people can lose their hiccups if they're kissed."

"So?"

Harry grinned.

"It'd be a good excuse."

Ron stood in the doorway as Harry disappeared inside the greenhouse. It would be a good excuse.

After Herbology, Ron and Harry had a free period and went to check on Hermione. They found her holding her breath with her back to them. Harry snuck up and grabbed her shoulder.

"AAAH!" Hermione screamed.

Harry and Ron waited with excitement.

HULP!

The three groaned. Hermione sat with the boys for the next few hours going over Herbology notes that Harry was kind enough to borrow from Neville. Fred and George took it upon themselves to take turns scaring her, but it always resulted in another hiccup. When dinner time came around, Ron opted to stay with Hermione to keep her company. He couldn't get Harry's suggestion out of his head. The two spent dinner playing Wizard's Chess and talking about their worst cases of hiccups.

"Well," Hermione said. "This one would have to be my worst. But, other than HUCK this one, I guess once I had them during a dentist appointment."

Ron laughed. "Mine usually don't last too long, but once I got them for about twenty minutes."

"Oh shut up. HIGGERP!" They both laughed at that one.

Harry returned with the rest of the Gryffindors after dinner was over. He motioned for Ron to follow him up to their room.

"So?"

"So?" Ron asked back.

"So, are you going to try it?" Harry smiled.

"I dunno, mate. What if it doesn't work? I'll look like an idiot."

"Who cares if it doesn't work? She'll be flattered you tried. It's the perfect excuse."

Ron sat on his bed, trying to get up the courage. He took a deep breath and stood up.

"You gonna do it?" Harry asked from his bed.

"Yep. Here I go!"

Ron marched down the stairs with Harry at his heels. He waltzed straight over to Hermione and cupped her chin with his hand. Leaning down at an awkward angle, Ron planted a soft kiss on Hermione's lips. He held it for six seconds and pulled away.

Hermione raised an eyebrow and smiled.

"What was that for?" She asked.

"To get rid of your hiccups. Did it work?" Ron squeaked.

Hermione giggled. "Ronald, Ginny already got rid of my hiccups for me while you were upstairs."

"What? Ginny, you kissed Hermione?" Ron exploded.

"No," Ginny said from her seat around the fireplace. "I did that trick I was talking about earlier. You know, the whole drinking water while someone puts pressure on your ears. Mum taught us that when we were really little. It works every time."

Ron stood dumbfounded with Harry chuckling in the corner. Hermione looked uneasy, but couldn't hold back a small smile. Ron cleared his throat.

"Well, congratulations Hermione. I'm glad you're cured."

With that, he marched right back up the stairs, leaving the whole common room in hysterics.


End file.
